


Stains On The Soul

by QueenoftheHobbits



Category: Dunkirk (2017)
Genre: F/M, Gen, Monologue, angsty, battle fatigue/ptsd mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-03
Updated: 2018-07-03
Packaged: 2019-05-30 15:13:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15099413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenoftheHobbits/pseuds/QueenoftheHobbits
Summary: Monologue of Alex’s post-war based on the lines “God knows where i'd be if you hadn't found me sitting in the dark.” and “Brave face talk so lightly hide the truth” from the song Sick of Losing Soulmates by Dodie





	Stains On The Soul

The war is a dark stain on his soul. He knows that. He feels that. No amount of confession or church visits would remove that, could remove that. He had killed people, he’d seen people die, he’d held dying comrades and killed the husbands, brothers, and sons of people he’d never meet. It was war, he had to. He knows he had no choice but to defend himself, but he also knows that that doesn’t absolve him of what he’s done. What they’ve all done. 

Its not till he meets you that he realises that maybe having that dark stain on his soul was worth it because someone so pure, so carefree and happy as you gets to remain that way. Because he took the fight and the death and it stopped you dealing with it more than you had too, more than just the bombing raids. You never had to take a life. 

You found him when he was sitting in a bad dark place inside himself; self-loathing, anger, futility. What was the point of it all? Alex doesn’t truly realise until you find him and drag him from that dark hole he’d created, that the point was that people like you could be safe, carefree, naive to the damages of war. The point was that if half suffered, half didn’t. 

He spent so long hiding how he felt about it all, talking bravely and lightly, happy. But he wasn’t. He kept the darkness hidden, until you drew it out like a pair of tweezers digging a splinter out of a finger. The pain is still somewhat left behind, but the healing begins. 

He’s not sure where he’d be if he never met you. If you’d never spent the time of day on him. He’s pretty sure it wouldn’t be anywhere good. Life’s not perfect, he still wakes at night in a sweat, still can’t stand too loud noises, bangs and booms, but its better. He can laugh and he can smile. He can sleep some nights without seeing blood and bodies. He can go to the sea without regressing back to a prior state of sombreness. He’s better.

Because you remind him that he fought for this peace, he fought for people to be happy and free. It will never absolving him for the sins he committed, but it reminds him that he didn’t do it for nothing, that there was a reason, an aim. At the very least he has that and he has you. 


End file.
